Staleness, Existential Crisis, and Everything in Between

Hello again. Now, I know some of you may have known that I posted something about me basically not continuing this blog any further. For good.

Well, I changed my mind.

Yes, I am aware of the fact that right now, I look like a pre-teen that just got through all the puberty and the hormones, changing my mind every now and then, but hear me out.

Before I say anything else, for the folks who never got the chance to read the post I was talking about, as I said, I had another “rough” (if I can even call it that) time pouring words into this white, empty box, and it made me genuinely upset. At the time, I saw my blog as more of an obligation than something that I actually enjoy doing. I felt like there’s a standard to fulfill, because this blog attracted way more attention than I anticipated. People actually took their time to stop by and read my stories, and the thought of you reading my work and going like, “hey, what the hell is this, this isn’t funny, I don’t wanna read this anymore”, is, frankly, quite scary to me.

And I know, I sounded like I’m well over my head, thinking that I’m a “big shot”, but that’s really not the case, I promise. I’ve pretty much spent my entire life avoiding the spotlight, trying my hardest to not be noticed and just go about my life peacefully, and so having people around me talking about my blog in real life, giving me tons of constructive and not-so-constructive criticisms, both positive and negative, it’s just overwhelming. In a good way. I’ve never felt so excited yet scared at the same time. I want to show you guys my work, but then I’m also afraid that you won’t like it.

And with that, I just discovered why showboating exists and why people “flex” with their Yeezys and Guccis and "ice on their wrists" and whatnot.

Furthermore, my days have been indescribably uneventful for the past month or two. That being said, the past few weeks or so have been absolutely mental. Not gonna explain it in details here, but let's just say it involved me being some sort of under-qualified tour guide to a group of moms and their daughters.

So, why? Why do I bother writing again?

Firstly, blogger just put out these new themes. I like how they look. I want to show it off to you guys. It’s so kewl and dynamic and good looking. Ah maigad, syangat indah dipandang.

Ehm, sorry, I uh, got a bit excited.

Secondly, well, yeah, there are actually some blog-worthy stories that I want to write. Doesn't involve any girl and any feelsies.

Wait, no, actually, that's just lying. It will involve girls and feelsies. As always. But not as much. Because..well. You know me.

But yeah, last but not least, it's because, I don't know if I've ever said this before (I probably have, many times, tapi lupa), but writing is my escape from reality. I'm too much of a pussy to smonk weed, cigarettes, snort coke, mabok alkohol, mabok paracetamol, or whatever "cool" things you guys do on a routine. Besides, I've spent all my money on Overwatch lootboxes because I desperately need that new Genji skin buying food, couldn't afford any of those cool millennial kids stuffs even if I wanted to.

Wow, okay, I need to tone it down a little bit, what's going on here. Kalem, kalem, happy place, happy place.

Forgive me for going on a mad tangent there, but yeah, I write to escape my life. When things go south, I just write. When things go north(?), I also write.

Because I haven't got anyone to celebrate it with.

Well, this post is a train wreck on its way to nowhere and it seems that I have failed in delivering my point. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I will be posting again. I can't really promise anything, however. I also won't be posting as many, because I have a feeling this year won't be any more eventful than the past. I hope to be proven wrong, so let's just see.

And before I can type even more aimless nonsense on here, I'm just gonna stop here and proceed working on my next posts. Ciao.

xo