Springtime Solace — Caffeine Filled Chronicle

Okay, so before you start reading, keep in mind that I made this piece about a month ago, and my spring break was looking bleak at the time, and man oh man was I an emotional mess. Looking back, this is definitely one of the instances where I now think to myself, "hey, how and why the FRUCK did I ever feel like this", kayak dulu pas rebound dan seneng sama orang karena alasan yang dangkal.

Yeah, I know, talk about emotional turmoil.

As things unfolded, gue makin gak ngerti kenapa gue sampe segini galaunya over someone that I barely know. Awalnya sih I wanted to keep this post in my drafts, but I figured eh, why not, udah capek-capek juga nulisnya, and it's not like I have any shame left in me to spare. I made some minor changes here and there, like the alias of the people involved, but other than that, it's pretty much unchanged. Soo yeah, here ya go.

— — —

Hari Kamis, 7 Maret, gue menunggu adik sepupu gue, Zair, untuk datang, karena kami berencana berangkat dari Semarang ke Yogyakarta pada pukul 7 pagi. Udah lewat jam 7, masih belum ada tanda-tanda dari adik sepupu gue yang kontet itu. Sambil menunggu, gue pun membuka aplikasi Tinder, gesek kanan-kiri seperti layaknya gue tiap libur musim semi di Indonesia. Nothing was out of the ordinary, until I stumbled upon one person.

Handbag.

Umurnya 19 tahun, only a year younger than me. At least that's what it says on her profile, because to me, her looks kinda surpass her age. Not that it's a bad thing, it was simply an assessment, not a judgment. Semua foto yang ditampilkan di profilnya menunjukkan wajahnya secara jelas, and none of them are group photos, jadi gue tidak perlu tebak-tebak berhadiah. Ada pula satu foto di mana dia kelihatannya sedang bekerja di sebuah cafe atau restoran, jadi seenggaknya, if we actually match, gue bisa nanya soal itu saat ngobrol dengan dia.

From what I could tell, she looks quite tall, maybe even taller than me, dan seperti yang kalian tahu, cewek tinggi biasanya lebih tertarik dengan siluman jerapah, sedangkan gue lebih mirip "siamang kurang gizi", jadi gue udah pesimis duluan. Dan gue gak tau gimana cara menggambarkannya, but she radiates "Strict-but-Knowledgeable Indonesian Literature Teacher" energy for some odd reason.

Perhaps it's her short-trimmed hair, way above shoulder height, its simplicity accentuating the rest of her facial features. Or maybe it's her eyes, sharp and a little intimidating, but at the same time bearing an ineffable somber. Mungkin juga karena tahi lalat di atas bibirnya, yang pindah-pindah di setiap foto karena kalo selfie kameranya inverted, jadi tahi lalatnya ini kadang di atas kiri, kadang di atas kanan.

Atau barangkali itu emang tahi lalatnya dia yang limited edition, bisa direlokasi sesuka hati, sesuai mood dan keperluan. Kalo lagi pengen ngupil lobang hidung kanan, pindahin ke kiri, kalo mau nyukur bulu hidung di yang kiri, pindahin ke kanan. Praktis.

Erhhmm, oke itu tadi merupakan diskusi yang tidak berfaedah sama sekali, mari kita lanjut.

After scrolling through her photos, I then went on to read her bio, which reads more or less like this.

5ft7 i guess, idk. 

lychee yogurt & banana milk. 

ga nyari fwb/ons. hus hus sana.

First and foremost, let's address that 5'7". Five. Foot. Seven. Inches. 170 cm. Jadi dia bukan hanya kelihatan tinggi, dia emang tinggi. To put it into perspective, if we were playing half-court 3-on-3, she'd be the one checking me on defense man. For all I know, she might just be able to pull off a Chef Curry on my face and embarrass me in front of my peers. Ya, maaf, itu emang sedikit tidak relevan, but what I'm trying to say is, tinggi badannya sama dengan gue, and as far as Indonesian girls go, she's definitely on the "taller" side of the spectrum.

The second line I assume means she likes lychee yogurt and banana milk, which is... great, I guess? I mean, I've nothing against those two beverages. The only type of beverage I have a problem with is any version of those vegan grass juice. Y'all are nasty, just drink water or something goddamn.

And of course, the third part is quite self-explanatory, but for those who don't know, FWB stands for Friends With Benefits, and ONS stands for One Night Stand. If you don't know what those mean, then you're probably a bit too young, it's got to do with the birds and the bees, you'll know soon enough. So she's not looking for those, which is nice, because I am in no way, shape, or form capable of handling the emotional burden from such interactions. Men, jangankan gituan, gue kalah main UNO aja bisa galau tiga hari.

Still, gue merasa bahwa gak akan mungkin gue match sama dia. But it is Tinder, so I got absolutely nothing to lose apart from my internet quota, I figured I might as well, right? And swipe right I did, and boy howdy, lo and behold.



IT'S A MATCH!



Huh.




What the fuck.




Not only did we match, this also means she saw my profile first, saw my face, and thought to herself "yeah ok I'll swipe right".

Sungguh bernyali, wanita satu ini.

Thus, I laid out a game plan in my head, bagaimana gue bisa memulai percakapan dengan si Handbag. Now, I was 80% certain that even if I texted her, she wouldn't answer, hell, she wouldn't even bother opening my text, soalnya emang banyak orang yang main Tinder layaknya main Pokemon Go, cuma buat koleksi and feel-good booster. Tapi, kalo ternyata dia bukan termasuk orang yang kayak gitu, I had to start with something good. And so I reached deep into my bag of lame pickup lines, and chose one.

"Hey, sorry I think I see something that's off about your photos"

Send. Selang beberapa menit berlalu, masih belum ada jawaban. Selang beberapa jam, masih juga jangkrik. At that point, gue udah mikir, "yeap, I guess that's that", and went about my day like it never happened.

Akhirnya, Zair pun datang, dan berangkatlah kami ke Yogyakarta sekitar pukul 10 pagi. Selama perjalanan, kami saling bertukar cerita, dan karena kami berdua sekarang sudah "dewasa", topik pembicaraan kami pun jadi lebih terbuka. Gak cuma itu, Zair ini memang orang yang mulutnya lebih cepat dari otaknya, jadi dia sering kali ngomong hal-hal yang tidak masuk akal, but that's why it's entertaining to talk with him. Dia juga aksennya sangat medok dan kalo ngomong selalu ngegas, selalu pake urat leher, so every time he speaks it's just absolute comedy gold.

Kami pun sampai di kediaman eyang dari kakak sepupu sekitar jam 4 sore, dan langsung keok karena perjalanan yang cukup melelahkan. Bangun-bangun sudah jam setengah 6, and I noticed there were a few notifications on my phone.

Handbag sent you a new message. 30 menit yang lalu. Wuidih, dibales.

"Really? What is it?"

"I'm not in any of them. What's up, name's Rory lmao"

"Fuuuuck hahahaha. Call me Handy."

Huh. That went better than expected. However, there is one fatal flaw in this whole plan of mine.

I did not expect this operation to go this far.

Gue gak tau lagi mau ngomong apa ke dia. Should I go the "thirsty confident chad" way and shower her with compliments? Tapi masalahnya, dari semua hal sehari-hari yang gue paling tidak bisa lakukan, mungkin memberi pujian ada di peringkat nomer satu. Apa pula yang harus gue bilang, coba?

"Eh, tompel lo bagus", masa gitu?

"Eh, 3 dari 4 temen deket SMA gue lebih pendek dari lo, lho", ya gak bisa gitu juga kan? Memberi pujian yang baik dan benar itu sulitnya minta ampun.

Jadi opsi itu gue coret, dan lanjutlah ke opsi berikutnya, yaitu "pelancong bingung". With this approach, I just basically ask her for a good hangout destination. Ini cara yang lebih cocok dengan gue, karena:

1. Gue seorang pelancong
2. Gue bingung

Thus, I proceeded with this plan and came up with the safest, lamest, most non-thirsty reply I could think of.

I asked her two things, first, a good hangout place in Semarang (although I was in Yogyakarta at that moment, but she didn't know that, so shush), and second, what her parents fed her to make her 5'7". You know, I tried to be a little tongue-in-cheek about it.

And before you say a thing, I KNOW OKAY, I'm bad at making conversation.

Hours passed, and again, I expected that to be the end of it, but then the next day, she replied,

"There are so many coffee shops here. And I dunno, I'm just tall that's all I know", katanya.

I think my joke missed its mark because she just answered it so plainly and straightforward. Still, she answered, so I kept the conversation going.

"Any of them serve good lychee yogurt and banana milk? Lo asli Semarang by the way?", gue kembali bertanya, menggunakan informasi yang dia pasang di profilnya.

"Nah, not really. Iya, asli sini sayaa mas"

"That must suck for you. Ooh okay, cool", sahut gue.

Lalu, gue teringat foto dia yang kayak lagi di kafe, jadi gue tanyain lah itu ke dia, berhubung lagi ngomongin coffee shops.

"What about that place in one of your photos, what coffee shop is that?"

"Hahaha I know. I mean, you can come find out yourself", jawab Handy, yang seakan sedang bercakap-cakap dengan Dora the Explorer.

"Well... yea, I'd like to, but I don't know the place, that's why I asked hahaha. Masa harus keliling Semarang, masuk coffee shop satu-satu?"

"Gapapaa kan seru, exploring coffee shops hahaha"

"Seru sih, seru, tapi dompet saya nangis mbak. And I'm going back to Jakarta on Monday, so I don't have much time hahaha. Lo kerja di situ?"

"Ooh gituu cepet bener. Yaudah, ke cafe gue ajaaa. Namanya [cafe name]", ucap Handy, yang akhirnya memberi tahu nama cafe-nya.

"Right, okay, I couldn't find it on Google Maps though"

"Ke Instagram-nya ajaa @[cafename_account]"

Gue pun buka Instagram dan cari akun tersebut, dan bener aja, ada alamat dari cafe tersebut dan juga foto si Handy lagi nuang kopi, entah beneran entah sandiwara. So, since we were on the topic of Instagram, I just decided to half-jokingly asked her,

"Sip, I got it, thanks! But the real question is, what's your IG tho hahaha"

"[made-up ig account]. There"

Eh? Lah kok dia kasih beneran?

See, at that moment, I felt kinda conflicted, because even though she did give me her actual account, her response seems rather... cold and standoffish, and I understand why. Kami baru ngobrol gak nyampe sehari. Relatively speaking, kalo ngobrol dengan seseorang dari Tinder, it'd take at least a couple of days worth of talking before we exchange socials. Was that a mistake? Did I jump the gun? Did I do a bigbig bad?

Karena hari sudah larut dan gue udah kebelet bobo', jadi gue follow aja dia. Tinggal liat aja, kalo di follow back, yowes, kalem. Kalo nggak, ya... juga yowes, so it goes.

Gue berencana ke kafe Handy hari Minggu, karena gue pulang dari Yogyakarta di hari tersebut. Which is why on Saturday, I texted her, making sure that we could meet the next day. Turns out, she will be working on Sunday, and thus I told her I was gonna drop by. Judging off of her response, she seemed surprised by it. Either that, atau dia mungkin takut kalo gue ternyata penculik yang menargetkan pegawai-pegawai kafe di Semarang yang rajin main Tinder. Ya, sangat spesifik.

Fast forward to Sunday, pukul 8 malam. Gue sudah melakukan pengecekan akhir sebelum pergi ke lokasi. Mandi, udah. Pake deodoran supaya ketek tidak bikin polusi udara, udah. Sikat gigi biar gak jigongan, udah juga. Setelah selesai bersiap-siap, berangkatlah gue dengan motor minjem sepupu.

Kafe tempat Handy bekerja ini jaraknya cukup jauh, sekitar 20 menitan dari kediaman eyang gue di Semarang. Akan tetapi, berkat teknologi abad ke-21, gue bisa sampai di kafe tersebut, even though I have zero idea about the roads here.

And there it was. Kafe tempat Handy bekerja. Dari luar, gue bisa samar-samar melihat Handy, sedang melayani beberapa pelanggan. Oh Lawd, this is it. Dulu butuh waktu berbulan-bulan sebelum gue ketemu cewek dari Tinder, kali ini cuma perlu satu hari. Tamatlah riwayatku.

Saying that, however, oddly enough, I didn't feel... nervous. My hands weren't sweaty, my heart wasn't jumping out of my chest, perut gue juga tidak dangdutan meriah, and... I dunno. It's almost as if I'm already used to these kinds of situation and I know how to go about them. Or maybe it's something elese? I couldn't say. Although I did text Dimas and Lucky for mental support, like I always do in these situations, but... yeah, it was weird to say the least.

Anyhow, I'm rambling, let's get back on track.

Gue pun parkir tepat di depan kafenya, lepas helm, dan mulai berjalan ke dalam kafe. Keadaannya cukup ramai, or at least more crowded than I had anticipated. It's an open-air cafe, surrounded by plenty of vegetation, filled with wooden furniture and yellow light bulbs hanging from the ceiling, sederhana dan memberikan suasana yang menenangkan. For a cafe, it's comparatively small, which only makes the place feel more homey, membuat pelanggan yang datang terlalu malas untuk pulang. Perhaps the only downside to it being open-air is the smoking, nearly every customer there were puffing like chimneys. Nevertheless, I didn't mind them too much, as I was able to stay clear of most of them. Most.

I then sat on the counter seat, next to a guy who seemed to be acquainted with Handy. He was puffing cigs like there's no tomorrow, dan gue bisa merasakan usia harapan hidup gue berkurang 10 tahun. And she was just there, standing in front of me, doing her job. Satu hal yang gue langsung perhatikan adalah tahi lalatnya, yang ternyata ada di sebelah kanan atas bibirnya, bukan kiri. And she pretty much looked like her photos. I was expecting some kind of reaction from her, mungkin langsung mengenali wajah setengah pantat milik gue ini, but so far, nothing. Gue pun menunggu Handy selesai mengambil pesanan dari pelanggan lain. There were quite a number of people then, so I decided to call Dimas, just for the sake of it.

"Dims, gak sibuk kan?"

"Oi Ror, kok sempet-sempetnya nelefon gue, bukannya lagi di kafe nih?"

"Ye, I am, but she's taking orders dude, I gotta wait my turn. Anyhoo, let's just talk dude, how've you been my man, how's your Cloud game coming along? Think you can beat my Chrom?", yes, even in the most dire of situations, gue bisa-bisanya nyelipin Smash Bros. di percakapan kami.

It took a while, but she was finally done with the other customers, and then she finally turned to me. Gue langsung tutup telepon. It was my turn to order.

"Mas, mau pesen apa?", she inquired.

"O-oh, iya saya mau... euuuuuhhhhhh itu... s-sebentar, saya liat menu dulu hahah", jawab gue, canggung.

Guobloknya daku, lupa buka menu.

"Sori, err mau ini deh, r-red velvet satu"

"Red velvetnya satu, ada lagi?"

"Udah itu aja dulu deh"

"Okey, ditunggu ya"

Karena sepertinya dia gak kenal gue siapa, gue pun kembali bertanya,

"Eh, sori, baidewei... Handy, kan?"

"Eh? I-iya... kamu siapa ya?", tanya dia balik.

"I-it's me, Rory"

"OOOH heyy, nice to meet you!", she said, as she offered a handshake.

"Yeah ahaha nice to meet you too", sahut gue, sembari menjabat tangannya.

From that point on, we just... well, conversed. It was mostly just chitchat, small talks, nothing too heavily loaded, nothing too intense or philosophical, I mean it was a little difficult given the fact that she was working, so I made the best out of the moments where we were able to talk and get to know each other.

Salah satu dari banyak hal yang kami bicarakan adalah, tentu saja, tinggi badan si Handy, because that was one of the three things she mentioned on her Tinder profile.

"Eh, baidewei, are you actually 5'7"?", tanya gue.

"Heeh, I am. Why?"

"I'm five foot seven, kok tapi tinggi kita gak samaan hahaha"

"Eeeeh, masa sih, gue beneran 170cm kok, coba coba", she said, sambil berjalan keluar dari belakang konter untuk membandingkan tinggi badan dengan gue, berdiri bahu ke bahu.

And I was right, gue lebih tinggi. Dikit. Aku bangga.

"See? I told you hahah"

"Iiih tapi gue ngukur terakhir bener 170 kok"

"Yaa I dunno, meteran lo rusak kali"

Ini asli aneh banget, how did I end up in this situation.

However, after a little while, things did get a tad awkward, soalnya pria yang duduk di sebelah gue kan juga kenal Handy, jadi Handy harus pindah-pindah antara ngobrol dengan gue dan si pria misterius ini. At one point, she even asked us, "kalian gak mau kenalan aja? Abisnya gue ga enak, gue kenal kalian berdua tapi kalian gak saling kenal, jadi harus pindah-pindah ngobrolnya", dan si cowok cerobong asap ini cuma mendengus, terus udah. Gue juga gak tertarik untuk kenalan sih, karena gue rasa dia bukan tipe gue (lho???). Akhirnya, gue jawab aja, "Ahahah yeah, it's okay, I'm good, this is fine".

It was not fine.

The guy eventually moved, now sitting on the table just to the right of the counter. Entah karena terganggu oleh gue yang mengeluarkan aura-aura syaiton, atau memang dia pegel duduk di kursi konter.

Malam semakin larut, keadaan kafe juga semakin sepi. Gue dan Handy sudah berbicara tentang banyak hal, dari perihal sekolah, musik, kehidupan sehari-hari, dan lainnya. Karena percakapan kami sudah mulai melambat, dan karena dia juga gak ada kerjaan, she decided to go sit with Chimney Dude, dan gue, entah bagaimana ceritanya, jadi malah ngobrol sama pemilik kafe tersebut.

Sang pemilik nanyain apa pendapat gue soal minuman yang gue pesan, and we talked and talked and somehow, some way, kami berujung ngobrolin soal harga tanah di Jakarta dan Semarang.

Gue membiarkan sang pemilik lebih banyak ngomong, karena gue saat itu sedang tidak tertarik membeli tanah.

Long story short, I stayed at the cafe until Handy got off, and left soon after. We bid our farewells, and she went home with Mr. Chimney Man, who she claimed only to be "a guy who's been regularly coming to the cafe and eventually got to know her", but I beg to differ. But heyho, what do I know.

And so, there I was, on my own. I sat on my motorbike for a while. Alone. Just processing what had just happened. Trying to make sense of that nonsensical evening. I just met someone for the first time, and quite possibly the last. This isn't the first time I've done such a thing, but this one feels... particularly odd? There's a heavy feeling inside me, and I couldn't seem to figure out why.

Do I have a crush... on Mr. Chimney Man???

Wait no, salah orang.

Do I have a crush on... her? Maybe, maybe not. If I do, my body's definitely not doing its usual thing, because surely my guts will be nothing but butterflies by now. Yang ada, perut gue cuma dipenuhi kentut yang gue tahan selama dua jam di kafe itu. Everything just felt... numb. On the flipside, if I don't, then what the hell is this uneasy feeling? Asam lambung naik?

God damn it. God damn it all.

I dunno. All I know is, that was the last time I'll ever use Tinder, or services alike. Never again. The final spring break of my university years, and the final time I'm using that app. Perhaps not the best way of closing the whole ordeal, but heyo.

— — —

Or so he said.

Silly serotonin-deprived me, saying things out of being emotional.

A story for another day, perhaps.