Eyeshield
"Kamu mana tulisan blog kok ga ada yang baru? Malah jadi berhenti total gitu", ujar nyokap.
Busy with school.
Busy with work.
No time.
Nothing to write about.
Selalu saja ada alasannya. Padahal, setiap duduk di depan layar leptop, selalu gue buka tab blogger dan berkata ke diri sendiri, "oke, this time, I'm actually gonna write". Man, gue harus nulis lebih sering. I know I can. Tanpa gue sadari, 2019 sudah berganti ke paruh ke-2. Musim semi sudah berganti musim panas. Umur gue udah nambah satu tahun. 21. Dua puluh satu.
Dua puluh satu.
Dua.
Puluh.
Satu.
How it be doing everybody, 𝐼𝓉 𝒮𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝐼 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓁𝑜𝓅𝑒𝒹 𝒜 𝐻𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓉 𝒪𝒻 𝒯𝓇𝒾𝓅𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒪𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑀𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒯𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒞𝒶𝓃𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝐼𝓉, 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓅 here, and man oh man. I'd say 2019's been a great year so far for me, but oh gosh oh golly I'd be lying.
Ooo lord knows I'd be lying. Hard.
Well, I dunno, it's been months since I last wrote and so many things happened, so many changes, so many people met, surprisingly not so many come-and-go crushes though, but aaaaaaAAAAAAA just so many of everything.
Dan ya, tiba-tiba saja, 2019 tinggal sisa empat bulan lebih dikit. Semester ke-7 sudah hampir selesai, dan tibalah gue di penghujung masa sekolah gue. What seemed so far off in the distance is now standing right in front of me, staring right into my eyes.
Even though I sorta insinuated that 2019 is (yet) another bad year for me, it really isn't, if I'm completely honest. I dunno, so many things had happened in the first half of the year alone, and judging from that, I utterly have no idea what this half might bring to the table. If there's one thing, though, 2019 has been tough. It's like whoever's in control of my life's difficulty level just decided to turn it up a notch.
Well, anyhow, since I'm kinda stumped on how to get the gears turning, I'll just tell you some notable things from the past few months, starting from spring break.
Last thing I talked about from spring break was Semarang. Yah, jadi setelah ke Semarang, gue ke Bandung, ketemu Dimas dan Raga, dan juga match dengan satu orang dari Tinder yang sampai sekarang masih ngobrol. Swell, yes, tapi sayangnya, gue tidak sempat bertemu dengan yang bersangkutan secara langsung. And she's basically FedEx personified. Takes 3-5 business days to deliver a "mail". So it goes.
Balik dari Bandung, gue ke Ragunan sama satu lagi temen dari Tinder. Gue match sama dia sebenernya di awal liburan, bahkan sebelum gue ke Semarang, tapi baru ketemuannya di ujung liburan. Not gonna lie, I was actually kinda excited about this one. Bukan gara-gara mau ketemu sama temen baru, tapi ke Ragunan-nya itu. Udah lama banget oi gue gak ke Ragunan, atau kebun binatang in general. I feel like the last time I visited the zoo was back when I was still a pre-teen, jadi ya gue kangen lah liat binatang-binatang eksotis. Sayangnya, Ragunan bukanlah London Zoo, perawatannya sangat buruk dan kebanyakan kandang binatangnya kosong. Gue pulang sedikit kecewa, tapi yah at least I made a friend and it felt like my "social prowess" stat increased by 1. We became quite close friends and still talk to this day.
Selain ke Ragunan, gue juga ke Grand Indonesia, sekali lagi ketemuan dengan orang yang gue match di Tinder. Ya, musim semi ini rupanya musim panen buat gue. I matched with her after Bandung, and I met up with her on the day of my departure. Talk about impromptu, right? But eyo, I got to try out the new MRT, which, I will say, is actually pretty decent. I mean it's nowhere near Japan's, but at least the city's heading towards the right direction. Gue ketemu sama yang bersangkutan di toko Converse, karena temannya sedang mencari sepatu baru untuk dibeli. Temennya bilang fashion sense gue bagus.
Gue seneng.
We decided to go look for a cafe and just kinda talked over some light meal and a few cups of expensive beverage. Soo yeah, I got to know not only one, but two new people on the same day, and made friends with them. Or at least acquaintances, because we kinda stopped talking a while ago. I dunno ok, what even counts as "friends" anymore.
Dan malamnya, gue terbang kembali ke Nippon.
And after a while, after all the "spring juice" had dried up, everything came back to a plateau. Classes, part-time work, back to the day-to-day routine. This semester for me has been super group-work heavy, entah kenapa hampir semua kelas yang gue ambil ada kerja kelompoknya, and goodness gravy, was it draining. The only redeeming thing about all these group works is that in one of them, I met someone and I... w-well I, errmm... so you see... y-yea, you probably know where this is going, don't you?
Had a bit of a crush, not gonna lie. We connected pretty well, and we were pretty much the only two active members in the group. Sayangnya, yang bersangkutan suda punya orang lain.
Yasudalaya. しょうがないよなぁ。
I dunno about you, but I'm starting to feel like there's some sorta pattern, a trend if you will, going on here.
Classic apebrain at it again.
Oh, and of course, as I mentioned earlier, I turned 21 not too long ago. I can finally enter adult places and order alcoholic beverages legally. To my surprise, I got a few more "happy birthday"s than I thought I would, so that's rather swell, I guess? Other than that, it was but another day for this Bokoblin incarnate.
All that aside, however, I somehow feel like 2019, as inconsistent as it may be thus far, has been and will be a good year by the end of it. Though nothing too grand's been happening as of late, I have been socializing way more, and I dunno, I guess now that I'm only a few months away from "real adult life", I can't help feeling a little... curious?
I wouldn't say "excited", no, I don't see anything of the sort in the near future. I still have no sense of direction when it comes to my future. Plus, I don't think I'll find companionship and intimacy anytime soon, but eh, I've pretty much come to terms with it. Of course I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong, and sure it'd be nice having someone you can call home, but y'know, I can still find solace in plenty other things for the time being.
I'm more anxious about it, if anything. Curious, but anxious. Despite so, that little curiosity is enough to make me want to see what's coming. Who am I gonna meet? Where am I going to be? What am I gonna do? What's my story going to be like? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Hell, is there even an end to this tunnel?
I just, I want to know. I need to know.
For the first time in a long while, I don't want to die just yet.
For the first time in a long while,
I wanna live.
And I think that much is good enough for me.
For now, at least.
Busy with school.
Busy with work.
No time.
Nothing to write about.
Selalu saja ada alasannya. Padahal, setiap duduk di depan layar leptop, selalu gue buka tab blogger dan berkata ke diri sendiri, "oke, this time, I'm actually gonna write". Man, gue harus nulis lebih sering. I know I can. Tanpa gue sadari, 2019 sudah berganti ke paruh ke-2. Musim semi sudah berganti musim panas. Umur gue udah nambah satu tahun. 21. Dua puluh satu.
Dua puluh satu.
Dua.
Puluh.
Satu.
How it be doing everybody, 𝐼𝓉 𝒮𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝐼 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓁𝑜𝓅𝑒𝒹 𝒜 𝐻𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓉 𝒪𝒻 𝒯𝓇𝒾𝓅𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒪𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑀𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒯𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒞𝒶𝓃𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝐼𝓉, 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓅 here, and man oh man. I'd say 2019's been a great year so far for me, but oh gosh oh golly I'd be lying.
Ooo lord knows I'd be lying. Hard.
Well, I dunno, it's been months since I last wrote and so many things happened, so many changes, so many people met, surprisingly not so many come-and-go crushes though, but aaaaaaAAAAAAA just so many of everything.
Dan ya, tiba-tiba saja, 2019 tinggal sisa empat bulan lebih dikit. Semester ke-7 sudah hampir selesai, dan tibalah gue di penghujung masa sekolah gue. What seemed so far off in the distance is now standing right in front of me, staring right into my eyes.
Even though I sorta insinuated that 2019 is (yet) another bad year for me, it really isn't, if I'm completely honest. I dunno, so many things had happened in the first half of the year alone, and judging from that, I utterly have no idea what this half might bring to the table. If there's one thing, though, 2019 has been tough. It's like whoever's in control of my life's difficulty level just decided to turn it up a notch.
Well, anyhow, since I'm kinda stumped on how to get the gears turning, I'll just tell you some notable things from the past few months, starting from spring break.
Last thing I talked about from spring break was Semarang. Yah, jadi setelah ke Semarang, gue ke Bandung, ketemu Dimas dan Raga, dan juga match dengan satu orang dari Tinder yang sampai sekarang masih ngobrol. Swell, yes, tapi sayangnya, gue tidak sempat bertemu dengan yang bersangkutan secara langsung. And she's basically FedEx personified. Takes 3-5 business days to deliver a "mail". So it goes.
Balik dari Bandung, gue ke Ragunan sama satu lagi temen dari Tinder. Gue match sama dia sebenernya di awal liburan, bahkan sebelum gue ke Semarang, tapi baru ketemuannya di ujung liburan. Not gonna lie, I was actually kinda excited about this one. Bukan gara-gara mau ketemu sama temen baru, tapi ke Ragunan-nya itu. Udah lama banget oi gue gak ke Ragunan, atau kebun binatang in general. I feel like the last time I visited the zoo was back when I was still a pre-teen, jadi ya gue kangen lah liat binatang-binatang eksotis. Sayangnya, Ragunan bukanlah London Zoo, perawatannya sangat buruk dan kebanyakan kandang binatangnya kosong. Gue pulang sedikit kecewa, tapi yah at least I made a friend and it felt like my "social prowess" stat increased by 1. We became quite close friends and still talk to this day.
Selain ke Ragunan, gue juga ke Grand Indonesia, sekali lagi ketemuan dengan orang yang gue match di Tinder. Ya, musim semi ini rupanya musim panen buat gue. I matched with her after Bandung, and I met up with her on the day of my departure. Talk about impromptu, right? But eyo, I got to try out the new MRT, which, I will say, is actually pretty decent. I mean it's nowhere near Japan's, but at least the city's heading towards the right direction. Gue ketemu sama yang bersangkutan di toko Converse, karena temannya sedang mencari sepatu baru untuk dibeli. Temennya bilang fashion sense gue bagus.
Gue seneng.
We decided to go look for a cafe and just kinda talked over some light meal and a few cups of expensive beverage. Soo yeah, I got to know not only one, but two new people on the same day, and made friends with them. Or at least acquaintances, because we kinda stopped talking a while ago. I dunno ok, what even counts as "friends" anymore.
Dan malamnya, gue terbang kembali ke Nippon.
And after a while, after all the "spring juice" had dried up, everything came back to a plateau. Classes, part-time work, back to the day-to-day routine. This semester for me has been super group-work heavy, entah kenapa hampir semua kelas yang gue ambil ada kerja kelompoknya, and goodness gravy, was it draining. The only redeeming thing about all these group works is that in one of them, I met someone and I... w-well I, errmm... so you see... y-yea, you probably know where this is going, don't you?
Had a bit of a crush, not gonna lie. We connected pretty well, and we were pretty much the only two active members in the group. Sayangnya, yang bersangkutan suda punya orang lain.
Yasudalaya. しょうがないよなぁ。
I dunno about you, but I'm starting to feel like there's some sorta pattern, a trend if you will, going on here.
Classic apebrain at it again.
Oh, and of course, as I mentioned earlier, I turned 21 not too long ago. I can finally enter adult places and order alcoholic beverages legally. To my surprise, I got a few more "happy birthday"s than I thought I would, so that's rather swell, I guess? Other than that, it was but another day for this Bokoblin incarnate.
All that aside, however, I somehow feel like 2019, as inconsistent as it may be thus far, has been and will be a good year by the end of it. Though nothing too grand's been happening as of late, I have been socializing way more, and I dunno, I guess now that I'm only a few months away from "real adult life", I can't help feeling a little... curious?
I wouldn't say "excited", no, I don't see anything of the sort in the near future. I still have no sense of direction when it comes to my future. Plus, I don't think I'll find companionship and intimacy anytime soon, but eh, I've pretty much come to terms with it. Of course I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong, and sure it'd be nice having someone you can call home, but y'know, I can still find solace in plenty other things for the time being.
I'm more anxious about it, if anything. Curious, but anxious. Despite so, that little curiosity is enough to make me want to see what's coming. Who am I gonna meet? Where am I going to be? What am I gonna do? What's my story going to be like? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Hell, is there even an end to this tunnel?
I just, I want to know. I need to know.
For the first time in a long while, I don't want to die just yet.
For the first time in a long while,
I wanna live.
And I think that much is good enough for me.
For now, at least.
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