Railside Telltales
Being a social cripple, I've always had a hard time making friends unless I somehow got roped into a situation where I end up with a stranger in a confined space for a set duration of time. And that's exactly what happened in my workplace. Hampir setiap shift, gue kerja bareng orang yang beda, dan, karena semua part-timer di sini merupakan murid internasional di universitas gue, gue jadi bisa ngobrol dan kenal dengan lumayan banyak temen baru.
Salah satunya adalah Elsa, seorang murid perempuan dari Vietnam. Before you say anything, no, this is NOT going towards wherever you think it's going, okay? Although I do admit, upon first meeting, I found her somewhat charming.
I first met her during summer. Dia satu semester di bawah gue, dan merupakan orang yang polos dan inosen. Kalo ngomong suaranya kecil banget, but even so, man she never stops talking. Kita jarang dapet shift bareng, but whenever we do, it felt like the easiest shifts ever. Even my manager said that we were "the best duo" and "had chemistry", whatever the hell that means. Gue juga sempet ditodong sama si manager, dia nanya ke gue, di depan orangnya, "kamu suka kan sama Elsa?". I answered it with a plain and simple "no". All in all, I guess you can say we connect with each other well.
Perhaps it's just her innocence, but I find her to be waaay too over trusting. Or maybe it's just me, haven't really interacted with someone new in a long while that I don't know what information counts as "too much". Anyway, it was only our second or maybe third shift together, and out of the blue, di saat toko sedang sepi, dia ngomong,
"Hey, Rory"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Have you ever been in a relationship?"
Wadaw. Tengah-tengah kerja gini.
"Errrr I-well, I, umm yes... I have. Been. In one. In the past. Why?", jawab gue, agak kaget.
"Oh really? No no, I'm just... well, you know...", she replied, with her expression clearly showing something's on her mind.
"... no, I don't actually"
"I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING"
"... itwasjustjokeplsnoangry"
"What?"
"Nothing. Okay, sorry, you were saying?"
"Okay, I just need a little insight on something. Because I've never been in a relationship before"
"Oookaaay, and?"
"Well, so basically, there's this guy that I'm close to, but she likes another girl, but that girl is a close friend of mine, but then the guy already confessed to this girl and got rejected, this was quite some time ago but this guy said that he still likes the girl that is my close friend, but not in a romantic sense, but more like sort of an idol or just someone that he admires, so now, I don't know because I don't actually like him, I just find him interesting, so what do you think?"
Gue terdiam. Gue merasa kayak baru aja diterjang badai yang datang entah dari mana.
"... what do I think? I think you need to slow down, if anything. Goodness gravy, I can barely understand what you just said, relax Els hahaha"
Dia pun mengulang kembali keluh kesahnya, and every sentence or two I slip in a question of my own.
"Okay, wait, so the guy you like likes someone else, and this someone else is your close friend?"
"I. DON'T. LIKE. HIM."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE HIM? WHY'D YOU BRING THIS UP ON THE FIRST PLACE THEN?"
"I told you already, I'm only 'i n t e r e s t e d' in him, okay? That's all. I wouldn't say I 'like' him."
Apa bedanya, congek.
"Alright, listen, first of all, how in the world is that any different you poohead"
"IT'S DIFFERENT OKAY?? Bottom line is, I'm interested in him, and this... situation is just putting me in an uncomfortable spot. Because I'm close to both him and the girl he admires", jawab Elsa.
"Right, okay, fine, so you're only 'interested' in this guy, but the guy doesn't like you and..."
"He does", kata si Elsa, nyamber di tengah gue ngomong.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Well, we kinda had this talk where I said I liked him, and he said he liked me too"
"SO YOU DO LIKE HIM THEN? AND IF HE LIKES YOU TOO, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? DID YOU FALL ON YOUR HEAD ON YOUR WAY HERE?"
"NO, I DON'T. Okay, so when we talked about that, I guess he only used the word 'like' in terms of being friends, because we were just talking casually. And also, he said that he doesn't wanna be in a relationship unless he knows for sure it's going to last until marriage"
Gilak. Ini cowok apa personifikasi dari semua stereotip terhadap orang Asia? And hot diggity, why y'all women be making things so complicated? Ngebeda-bedain kosakata yang artinya sama, bikin ribet banget ampyun.
"... alright then, that's a bit extreme. Okay, so again, what is it that you want me to answer?"
"I dunno, just, like, what do you think I should do?"
"Well, if you li-sorry, I mean if you're 'i n t e r e s t e d' in him, and you two already have a close relationship as friends, or whatever, I'd say you got two options"
"Okay, what are they?"
"Well, the f-"
Baru saja gue mau ngomong, ada pelanggan masuk. Dan sisa shift malam itu, pelanggan demi pelanggan terus bergilir, dan kami tidak mendapat kesempatan ngobrol lebih lanjut. Setelah malam itu, gue juga gak dapet lagi shift bareng dia sampai musim panas berakhir.
Selama libur musim panas, cuma ada dikit part-timer yang rutin kerja di toko ramen gue, karena kebanyakan dari mereka pulang ke negara masing-masing atau sudah lulus, atau juga sudah berhenti kerja di situ. Jadi, sebagai tanda terimakasih dan juga untuk merayakan selesainya musim panas, manager toko gue ngajak gue dan juga temen-temen part-timer yang kerja selama summer untuk makan bareng di restoran tetangga. Tentu saja Elsa juga datang.
Despite the fact that I was the only guy there (besides the manager, but I mean, you get me right?), the end-of-the-summer-dinner-party-thing was enjoyable. We ate tons of food and only having to pay 1000 yen, we got to know each other better, and I was peer pressured to drink alcohol by my friends but I refused and somehow the one that got pissed off was them?? Anyhoo, it was an all around good time, the most fun I've had in a while that didn't involve total isolation, mighty swell through and through.
But the night grew older, and some of the girls already had other plans for the night. There were five of us including me, and so two went to drink some more at the local club, while the three of us decided to call it a night. Or, at least that was the initial plan.
Tempat kami makan berdekatan dengan letak toko tempat gue kerja, jadi jarak pulang ke rumah gue cukup jauh. Untungnya, masih ada bus yang beroperasi, jadi gue dan dua teman gue harus pulang jalan kaki. The bus we got on was quite packed, but luckily we got seats, but only Elsa and I got to sit next to each other, dan teman kami satu lagi duduk di bagian belakang bus. So we talked, Elsa and I, I can't recall about what but I know for certain it wasn't about her "i n t e r e s t", because a few stops before her destination, she asked me,
"Hey, I'm gonna go to the supermarket to buy some meat, because they're usually at half price at this hour. You wanna come with? I also wanna finish talking about that stuff, you remember? I still need your advice, so we can, like, shop and talk hahaha"
Now, this supermarket is nowhere near my house, but hey, not like I have any plans for that particular night or the following day, so I figured eh, why not and went along.
She didn't buy any meat because the discounted ones were all out and I ended up just buying a half-price almost-expired bread. Kami pun keluar dari supermarket dan jalan pulang. As we walked together, I asked her to sorta give me a recap of her stories, just to make sure I got every detail.
"Well yeah, I mean we're like super duper close. There was one night after baito (= Japanese slang for part-time work) with him-"
"Wait, so you two used to work at the same place?", gue nyerobot ngomong.
"Yeah, and he usually either walks me home or gives me a ride on his motorbike", katanya.
Ya ampun, ini sih udah lah, gaspol aja mbak, pikir gue.
"Oooh I see. Carry on then, as you were saying?"
"So on the way home, we went past this big, empty car park, so we decided to lay down there and looked at the stars"
Hearing those words triggered my fight or flight reflex.
People actually do that?
In real life????????
"Okay, whoa, what, hang on, there is absolutely no way you actually did that, are you for real?"
"Well, yeah, I did, and we talked about some 'deep' stuff, you know. I mean we talk about 'deep' topics pretty often because we usually talk until late night anyway", dia jawab, polos dan datar, seakan tidur-tiduran di tengah tempat parkir malem-malem merupakan hal sehari-hari.
Then she talked more and I listened, without me realizing that we were basically walking towards her place and that we're almost at her place. Yes, ladies and gents, I basically ended up just straight up walking her home at this point. Don't I just make the best gay-best-friend-that-is-not-actually-gay?
"Okay, wait, let's just sit somewhere for a while, I still got plenty to tell you, and you haven't even said a thing yet", she said, just as we cross a train track.
Kami pun menuju ke tempat terdekat di mana kami bisa duduk. Di dekat rel kereta tadi, ada lahan kosong yang dipagari pagar besi, tapi bukan yang tajem-tajem, but those that are more like pipes, ngerti kan? So yeah, we sat there, and she went on with her stories.
Dia bercerita kalo cowok yang lagi dia gebetin ini suka banget sama game The World Ends With You, which was my favorite game back in middle school, and still one of my favorites of all time, so I jokingly said,
"Hey, he sounds like a man with fine taste. If you don't want him, I'll have him instead then"
Unsurprisingly, she was highly against it.
Dia juga sempet cerita, kalo her first crush here in uni left a bad mark on her. Katanya, cowok yang dia sukai di awal hidupnya di Jepang emang cowok player, suka tarik-ulur layaknya bopung adu layangan. Which is why she didn't want to say she "likes" the guy she currently likes, soalnya takut nanti dia udah bener suka, eh ditarik-ulur lagi. Then, just out of curiosity, gue bilang,
"You know, I know a few Vietnamese guys. I even worked with a couple of them at my previous job, but then again, there are many Vietnamese in our uni so what are the odds right? Hahaha"
"Hahaha yeah it's unlikely, but maybe you do. Where did you work anyway?"
"Well I worked at X Onsen. Did he work there?"
Dia diem.
Gue nunggu dia jawab. Tapi gak jawab-jawab.
Dia pelan-pelan senyum, tapi bukan senyum bahagia, tapi senyum yang kayak mau bilang "god frickin dammit". Wajahnya memerah.
"... what? Hello? What's wro-"
And then, mid sentence, it hit me.
"Wait", gue bilang.
Dia menghela nafas panjang tanpa membalas ucapan gue.
"Wait wait waitwaitawwaitwaiawtiawwait. No. Oh my g-OH. MY. GOODNESS. GRAVY. ME"
Gue teriak spontan.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NO WAY. NOOOOOOO. WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING. NAAANANANA THIS CAN'T BE-OH M-WHAT?????? NO. NO. THERE. IS. ABSOLUTELY. NO. WAY. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. NOOOOOO"
"HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? Dude, it's like we're meant to meet each other, but oh my god, I hate you so much right now"
"This is just too good. Yo, what the actual heck this is surreal. Wait, there were two guys though, so I still have to guess which one"
"Go ahead then, take a shot"
"Does he wear glasses? And does his name start with a 'K'?"
Dia gak jawab, dan kembali memberikan senyum "ah, kampret" tadi. Tanda kalo gue bener. Cowok yang dia gebet adalah Konblok (yang sempet gue singgung di Part-Time Worker, Full-Time Loser)
"YYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHAHAHA I'M SORRY, I KNOW THIS IS A BAD MEMORY FOR YOU, BUT THIS IS TOO FUNNY"
"YES OKAY STOP IT, I GET IT OKAY, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN NOW, CAN YOU STOP PLEASE?"
I finally settled down, but still in awe of what just happened. Elsa pun lanjut cerita lebih detil soal bagaimana si Konblok PHP-in dia, gimana dia satu hari seakan peduli, dan besoknya gak ada kabar sama sekali.
"I was head over heels for him, you know. And I think he knew that as well, so he took advantage. I mean, all my friends warned me about him, but I took a chance anyway, so I guess I got what's coming to me hahah", tutur Elsa dengan sendu. You know someone's fallen hard when they start using terms like "head over heels" like that.
"Don't say that, you're acting like him being a total asswipe is your fault. It's his, and only his alone. I mean sure, you made a bad decision in trusting him, but that doesn't make you the bad person", timpal gue seadanya.
Gue juga sekali-kali cerita soal gue, tapi gue berusaha tidak menumpahkan terlalu banyak. I told her bits and bobs about who and when and whatever, but I didn't get into the specifics. A little unfair for her, I guess, but she didn't seem to mind, and she was really eager to pour her heart out, so I simply listened.
Gak kerasa, kami berdua udah lebih dari tiga jam ngobrol di samping rel kereta ini. Malam sudah sangat larut dan udaranya berubah menjadi sedikit dingin.
"Yeah, so that's the situation I'm in. I'd just like to hear an outsider's opinion, you know? Especially since you're a guy and all"
"Hahah I understand. But I mean, as far as I'm concerned, you two are basically a couple, like, really, you haven't got anything to worry about"
"Oh, you know, he really likes to send me like, I dunno, these weird meme pictures with communism messages in it"
"Heh? Okay... so, what of it?"
"I dunno, they just make me really uncomfortable?"
"Really? Why so?"
"Well, I mean, I dunno, I'm just scared that one day the police will come barging into my house and arrest me for spreading communist propaganda or something. And I mean, with our history and all, you know, Vietnam back in the day, I just don't wanna go to jail."
Bener-bener polos.
"HAHAHAHA you're way too pure. Don't worry, that's just him trying to reel you into his kind of humor probably, and, a sign that he likes you. He's into you. No question", jawab gue dengan pasti.
"Do you usually send those?"
"To a girl?"
"Yeah"
"Errrrrr well, ummm hypothetically speaking, if I AM talking to a girl I like and that we're pretty close, I think I would, but usually, I just send those kinda stuff to the boys in the group chat"
"HNGGGNNG SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT HE MIGHT THINK OF ME AS ONE OF HIS 'BOYS' THEN?", tanya Elsa, penuh kekhawatiran.
"AHAHA NONO I didn't mean that, but... well, I guess that's... a possibility? BUT AN UNLIKELY ONE THOUGH, TRUST ME, I PROMISE YOU, it's probably his way of showing that he's comfortable with sharing what he finds funny to you, even though it might seem weird to others. Sooo basically, to him, you is comfy. In other words, this man has romantic feelings for you"
"... I don't like how you put it but fine, I'll take your word for it"
Dia diem.
Gue juga diem.
Selang beberapa detik, dia kembali bertanya,
"So, what do you think I should do?"
"Well, like I said back then, you got two options, right? One, you can wait for him, let him be the decision maker. You can stay like this for as long as you want, just keep talking and keep close, but never really go further than a platonic relationship until he makes his move. When? I dunno, could be tomorrow, could be a long time from now, or, of course never. Best case scenario, you two end up happily ever after, worst case scenario, you die waiting for nothing! I'd say that's a win-win, don't you think?"
"Okay, I get it, this is the 'bad' option. No need for sarcasm. What's the other one?"
"Sorry, couldn't help it, but okay, obviously, the second option, if you truly like him, and yes, I know, L I K E him, okay, don't say anything yet, just hear me out. Go with plain honesty, head on. Just say that 'hey, I like you. No, not in a friendly type of way, but in a I-want-to-have-your-kids-someday type of way'. Just. Be. Frank. With him"
"... but..."
Dia memberi gue tatapan serius dicampur cemas, dan gue berusaha sebaik mungkin memberi raut yang gak kalah serius. Gue menyiapkan diri untuk membalas ketidakyakinan si Elsa, apa pun itu, and then, she uttered,
“I'm not Frank... I'm Elsa"
Antiklimaks.
"ELSA, PLEASE, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE YOU THE REASSURANCE OF A LIFETIME"
"HAHAHA I'm sorry nee~ (note: this is like a Japanese thing to do, adding -ne at the end of sentences)"
We laughed it off. Terus kembali hening.
"Should I really, though?", tanya dia.
"Yeah. As cliche as it is, honesty is the best policy, right? You don't have to phrase it the way I did, though, it may come off a little, err... aggressive. And I mean, you two basically pulled a teen soap opera in real life, so there's only one way to go from where I see it"
"I like how things currently are, though"
"Oh golly, I've heard those many times before. But hey, it's your choice to make, so if that's what you want, then go right ahead"
She let out a long sigh, entah merasa lega, cemas, atau bingung.
"Yeah, I know... and for the record, I'm strictly 'interested' in him okay"
"Yes. I know you like him"
"I. Do. Not."
"Right. And I assume you don't want to be his future bride?"
"SToP GIVING ME FALSE HOPE YOU PSYCHO"
"OH WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO HELP, MS. I N T E R E S T E D"
I forgot how entertaining it could be talking to a living person.
"Well, it's getting really late now", ujar Elsa.
"Yep, you're robbing me of my beauty sleep here, Els"
"Yeah, whatever Princess"
"Hahah well, it's probably best for you to go home now as well. He's probably worried sick right now, waiting for you to reply to his texts"
"Hahaha Rory, I will kill you", she said, followed by a menacing smile.
"You're more than welcome to try"
We both let out a small chuckle.
"Thank you, by the way. For letting me vent for three hours, almost four now holy shit", she said with a tired, but relieved expression.
"Yeah well, you got my socials now, so whenever you need anything, you now where to go"
"Ahah yeah, thanks. I appreciate it"
"Alrighty then, I'll see you whenever I see you"
"Yeah, see you. Good night"
"Good night, and take care now"
Kami pun berjalan ke arah rumah masing-masing. Her apartment is only a few hundred meters away, and my house is still about 2 kilometers far. I plugged in my earphones and shuffled my playlist as I shuffled my way towards home.
---
Fast forward to December 18th, three months since that night by the train tracks, someone messaged me on Facebook. I didn't think any of it, I thought it was just one of the group chats for one of my class projects. To my surprise, it was not. It was none other than Elsa.
"You win :)) he does like me lol"
At first, I was like 'oh'.
But then, I was like 'O H'.
Naturally, like the good ol' supportive straight gay-friend that I am, I replied,
"YOO congrats you luhbirds, and I. Told. You. So."
"Still can't believe tho"
"Oh boy, I got a feeling someone's gonna wake up extra happy tomorrow hahaha"
"I already am :)))"
And that's pretty much the end of that. You know, it's kinda weird, because it genuinely feels like I'm a mother bird, and one of my baby birds just flew out of my nest. I feel all fuzzy inside, and a teeny bit proud. It didn't have any effect on my life at all, but hey, I never knew someone else's happiness can make me slightly happy as well. Look at that, an actual wholesome, not-so-sad post from Mr. Galau 2015.
Salah satunya adalah Elsa, seorang murid perempuan dari Vietnam. Before you say anything, no, this is NOT going towards wherever you think it's going, okay? Although I do admit, upon first meeting, I found her somewhat charming.
I first met her during summer. Dia satu semester di bawah gue, dan merupakan orang yang polos dan inosen. Kalo ngomong suaranya kecil banget, but even so, man she never stops talking. Kita jarang dapet shift bareng, but whenever we do, it felt like the easiest shifts ever. Even my manager said that we were "the best duo" and "had chemistry", whatever the hell that means. Gue juga sempet ditodong sama si manager, dia nanya ke gue, di depan orangnya, "kamu suka kan sama Elsa?". I answered it with a plain and simple "no". All in all, I guess you can say we connect with each other well.
Perhaps it's just her innocence, but I find her to be waaay too over trusting. Or maybe it's just me, haven't really interacted with someone new in a long while that I don't know what information counts as "too much". Anyway, it was only our second or maybe third shift together, and out of the blue, di saat toko sedang sepi, dia ngomong,
"Hey, Rory"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Have you ever been in a relationship?"
Wadaw. Tengah-tengah kerja gini.
"Errrr I-well, I, umm yes... I have. Been. In one. In the past. Why?", jawab gue, agak kaget.
"Oh really? No no, I'm just... well, you know...", she replied, with her expression clearly showing something's on her mind.
"... no, I don't actually"
"I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING"
"... itwasjustjokeplsnoangry"
"What?"
"Nothing. Okay, sorry, you were saying?"
"Okay, I just need a little insight on something. Because I've never been in a relationship before"
"Oookaaay, and?"
"Well, so basically, there's this guy that I'm close to, but she likes another girl, but that girl is a close friend of mine, but then the guy already confessed to this girl and got rejected, this was quite some time ago but this guy said that he still likes the girl that is my close friend, but not in a romantic sense, but more like sort of an idol or just someone that he admires, so now, I don't know because I don't actually like him, I just find him interesting, so what do you think?"
Gue terdiam. Gue merasa kayak baru aja diterjang badai yang datang entah dari mana.
"... what do I think? I think you need to slow down, if anything. Goodness gravy, I can barely understand what you just said, relax Els hahaha"
Dia pun mengulang kembali keluh kesahnya, and every sentence or two I slip in a question of my own.
"Okay, wait, so the guy you like likes someone else, and this someone else is your close friend?"
"I. DON'T. LIKE. HIM."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE HIM? WHY'D YOU BRING THIS UP ON THE FIRST PLACE THEN?"
"I told you already, I'm only 'i n t e r e s t e d' in him, okay? That's all. I wouldn't say I 'like' him."
Apa bedanya, congek.
"Alright, listen, first of all, how in the world is that any different you poohead"
"IT'S DIFFERENT OKAY?? Bottom line is, I'm interested in him, and this... situation is just putting me in an uncomfortable spot. Because I'm close to both him and the girl he admires", jawab Elsa.
"Right, okay, fine, so you're only 'interested' in this guy, but the guy doesn't like you and..."
"He does", kata si Elsa, nyamber di tengah gue ngomong.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Well, we kinda had this talk where I said I liked him, and he said he liked me too"
"SO YOU DO LIKE HIM THEN? AND IF HE LIKES YOU TOO, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? DID YOU FALL ON YOUR HEAD ON YOUR WAY HERE?"
"NO, I DON'T. Okay, so when we talked about that, I guess he only used the word 'like' in terms of being friends, because we were just talking casually. And also, he said that he doesn't wanna be in a relationship unless he knows for sure it's going to last until marriage"
Gilak. Ini cowok apa personifikasi dari semua stereotip terhadap orang Asia? And hot diggity, why y'all women be making things so complicated? Ngebeda-bedain kosakata yang artinya sama, bikin ribet banget ampyun.
"... alright then, that's a bit extreme. Okay, so again, what is it that you want me to answer?"
"I dunno, just, like, what do you think I should do?"
"Well, if you li-sorry, I mean if you're 'i n t e r e s t e d' in him, and you two already have a close relationship as friends, or whatever, I'd say you got two options"
"Okay, what are they?"
"Well, the f-"
Baru saja gue mau ngomong, ada pelanggan masuk. Dan sisa shift malam itu, pelanggan demi pelanggan terus bergilir, dan kami tidak mendapat kesempatan ngobrol lebih lanjut. Setelah malam itu, gue juga gak dapet lagi shift bareng dia sampai musim panas berakhir.
Selama libur musim panas, cuma ada dikit part-timer yang rutin kerja di toko ramen gue, karena kebanyakan dari mereka pulang ke negara masing-masing atau sudah lulus, atau juga sudah berhenti kerja di situ. Jadi, sebagai tanda terimakasih dan juga untuk merayakan selesainya musim panas, manager toko gue ngajak gue dan juga temen-temen part-timer yang kerja selama summer untuk makan bareng di restoran tetangga. Tentu saja Elsa juga datang.
Despite the fact that I was the only guy there (besides the manager, but I mean, you get me right?), the end-of-the-summer-dinner-party-thing was enjoyable. We ate tons of food and only having to pay 1000 yen, we got to know each other better, and I was peer pressured to drink alcohol by my friends but I refused and somehow the one that got pissed off was them?? Anyhoo, it was an all around good time, the most fun I've had in a while that didn't involve total isolation, mighty swell through and through.
But the night grew older, and some of the girls already had other plans for the night. There were five of us including me, and so two went to drink some more at the local club, while the three of us decided to call it a night. Or, at least that was the initial plan.
Tempat kami makan berdekatan dengan letak toko tempat gue kerja, jadi jarak pulang ke rumah gue cukup jauh. Untungnya, masih ada bus yang beroperasi, jadi gue dan dua teman gue harus pulang jalan kaki. The bus we got on was quite packed, but luckily we got seats, but only Elsa and I got to sit next to each other, dan teman kami satu lagi duduk di bagian belakang bus. So we talked, Elsa and I, I can't recall about what but I know for certain it wasn't about her "i n t e r e s t", because a few stops before her destination, she asked me,
"Hey, I'm gonna go to the supermarket to buy some meat, because they're usually at half price at this hour. You wanna come with? I also wanna finish talking about that stuff, you remember? I still need your advice, so we can, like, shop and talk hahaha"
Now, this supermarket is nowhere near my house, but hey, not like I have any plans for that particular night or the following day, so I figured eh, why not and went along.
She didn't buy any meat because the discounted ones were all out and I ended up just buying a half-price almost-expired bread. Kami pun keluar dari supermarket dan jalan pulang. As we walked together, I asked her to sorta give me a recap of her stories, just to make sure I got every detail.
"Well yeah, I mean we're like super duper close. There was one night after baito (= Japanese slang for part-time work) with him-"
"Wait, so you two used to work at the same place?", gue nyerobot ngomong.
"Yeah, and he usually either walks me home or gives me a ride on his motorbike", katanya.
Ya ampun, ini sih udah lah, gaspol aja mbak, pikir gue.
"Oooh I see. Carry on then, as you were saying?"
"So on the way home, we went past this big, empty car park, so we decided to lay down there and looked at the stars"
Hearing those words triggered my fight or flight reflex.
People actually do that?
In real life????????
"Okay, whoa, what, hang on, there is absolutely no way you actually did that, are you for real?"
"Well, yeah, I did, and we talked about some 'deep' stuff, you know. I mean we talk about 'deep' topics pretty often because we usually talk until late night anyway", dia jawab, polos dan datar, seakan tidur-tiduran di tengah tempat parkir malem-malem merupakan hal sehari-hari.
Then she talked more and I listened, without me realizing that we were basically walking towards her place and that we're almost at her place. Yes, ladies and gents, I basically ended up just straight up walking her home at this point. Don't I just make the best gay-best-friend-that-is-not-actually-gay?
"Okay, wait, let's just sit somewhere for a while, I still got plenty to tell you, and you haven't even said a thing yet", she said, just as we cross a train track.
Kami pun menuju ke tempat terdekat di mana kami bisa duduk. Di dekat rel kereta tadi, ada lahan kosong yang dipagari pagar besi, tapi bukan yang tajem-tajem, but those that are more like pipes, ngerti kan? So yeah, we sat there, and she went on with her stories.
Dia bercerita kalo cowok yang lagi dia gebetin ini suka banget sama game The World Ends With You, which was my favorite game back in middle school, and still one of my favorites of all time, so I jokingly said,
"Hey, he sounds like a man with fine taste. If you don't want him, I'll have him instead then"
Unsurprisingly, she was highly against it.
Dia juga sempet cerita, kalo her first crush here in uni left a bad mark on her. Katanya, cowok yang dia sukai di awal hidupnya di Jepang emang cowok player, suka tarik-ulur layaknya bopung adu layangan. Which is why she didn't want to say she "likes" the guy she currently likes, soalnya takut nanti dia udah bener suka, eh ditarik-ulur lagi. Then, just out of curiosity, gue bilang,
"You know, I know a few Vietnamese guys. I even worked with a couple of them at my previous job, but then again, there are many Vietnamese in our uni so what are the odds right? Hahaha"
"Hahaha yeah it's unlikely, but maybe you do. Where did you work anyway?"
"Well I worked at X Onsen. Did he work there?"
Dia diem.
Gue nunggu dia jawab. Tapi gak jawab-jawab.
Dia pelan-pelan senyum, tapi bukan senyum bahagia, tapi senyum yang kayak mau bilang "god frickin dammit". Wajahnya memerah.
"... what? Hello? What's wro-"
And then, mid sentence, it hit me.
"Wait", gue bilang.
Dia menghela nafas panjang tanpa membalas ucapan gue.
"Wait wait waitwaitawwaitwaiawtiawwait. No. Oh my g-OH. MY. GOODNESS. GRAVY. ME"
Gue teriak spontan.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NO WAY. NOOOOOOO. WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING. NAAANANANA THIS CAN'T BE-OH M-WHAT?????? NO. NO. THERE. IS. ABSOLUTELY. NO. WAY. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. NOOOOOO"
"HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? Dude, it's like we're meant to meet each other, but oh my god, I hate you so much right now"
"This is just too good. Yo, what the actual heck this is surreal. Wait, there were two guys though, so I still have to guess which one"
"Go ahead then, take a shot"
"Does he wear glasses? And does his name start with a 'K'?"
Dia gak jawab, dan kembali memberikan senyum "ah, kampret" tadi. Tanda kalo gue bener. Cowok yang dia gebet adalah Konblok (yang sempet gue singgung di Part-Time Worker, Full-Time Loser)
"YYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHAHAHA I'M SORRY, I KNOW THIS IS A BAD MEMORY FOR YOU, BUT THIS IS TOO FUNNY"
"YES OKAY STOP IT, I GET IT OKAY, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN NOW, CAN YOU STOP PLEASE?"
I finally settled down, but still in awe of what just happened. Elsa pun lanjut cerita lebih detil soal bagaimana si Konblok PHP-in dia, gimana dia satu hari seakan peduli, dan besoknya gak ada kabar sama sekali.
"I was head over heels for him, you know. And I think he knew that as well, so he took advantage. I mean, all my friends warned me about him, but I took a chance anyway, so I guess I got what's coming to me hahah", tutur Elsa dengan sendu. You know someone's fallen hard when they start using terms like "head over heels" like that.
"Don't say that, you're acting like him being a total asswipe is your fault. It's his, and only his alone. I mean sure, you made a bad decision in trusting him, but that doesn't make you the bad person", timpal gue seadanya.
Gue juga sekali-kali cerita soal gue, tapi gue berusaha tidak menumpahkan terlalu banyak. I told her bits and bobs about who and when and whatever, but I didn't get into the specifics. A little unfair for her, I guess, but she didn't seem to mind, and she was really eager to pour her heart out, so I simply listened.
Gak kerasa, kami berdua udah lebih dari tiga jam ngobrol di samping rel kereta ini. Malam sudah sangat larut dan udaranya berubah menjadi sedikit dingin.
"Yeah, so that's the situation I'm in. I'd just like to hear an outsider's opinion, you know? Especially since you're a guy and all"
"Hahah I understand. But I mean, as far as I'm concerned, you two are basically a couple, like, really, you haven't got anything to worry about"
"Oh, you know, he really likes to send me like, I dunno, these weird meme pictures with communism messages in it"
"Heh? Okay... so, what of it?"
"I dunno, they just make me really uncomfortable?"
"Really? Why so?"
"Well, I mean, I dunno, I'm just scared that one day the police will come barging into my house and arrest me for spreading communist propaganda or something. And I mean, with our history and all, you know, Vietnam back in the day, I just don't wanna go to jail."
Bener-bener polos.
"HAHAHAHA you're way too pure. Don't worry, that's just him trying to reel you into his kind of humor probably, and, a sign that he likes you. He's into you. No question", jawab gue dengan pasti.
"Do you usually send those?"
"To a girl?"
"Yeah"
"Errrrrr well, ummm hypothetically speaking, if I AM talking to a girl I like and that we're pretty close, I think I would, but usually, I just send those kinda stuff to the boys in the group chat"
"HNGGGNNG SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT HE MIGHT THINK OF ME AS ONE OF HIS 'BOYS' THEN?", tanya Elsa, penuh kekhawatiran.
"AHAHA NONO I didn't mean that, but... well, I guess that's... a possibility? BUT AN UNLIKELY ONE THOUGH, TRUST ME, I PROMISE YOU, it's probably his way of showing that he's comfortable with sharing what he finds funny to you, even though it might seem weird to others. Sooo basically, to him, you is comfy. In other words, this man has romantic feelings for you"
"... I don't like how you put it but fine, I'll take your word for it"
Dia diem.
Gue juga diem.
Selang beberapa detik, dia kembali bertanya,
"So, what do you think I should do?"
"Well, like I said back then, you got two options, right? One, you can wait for him, let him be the decision maker. You can stay like this for as long as you want, just keep talking and keep close, but never really go further than a platonic relationship until he makes his move. When? I dunno, could be tomorrow, could be a long time from now, or, of course never. Best case scenario, you two end up happily ever after, worst case scenario, you die waiting for nothing! I'd say that's a win-win, don't you think?"
"Okay, I get it, this is the 'bad' option. No need for sarcasm. What's the other one?"
"Sorry, couldn't help it, but okay, obviously, the second option, if you truly like him, and yes, I know, L I K E him, okay, don't say anything yet, just hear me out. Go with plain honesty, head on. Just say that 'hey, I like you. No, not in a friendly type of way, but in a I-want-to-have-your-kids-someday type of way'. Just. Be. Frank. With him"
"... but..."
Dia memberi gue tatapan serius dicampur cemas, dan gue berusaha sebaik mungkin memberi raut yang gak kalah serius. Gue menyiapkan diri untuk membalas ketidakyakinan si Elsa, apa pun itu, and then, she uttered,
“I'm not Frank... I'm Elsa"
Antiklimaks.
"ELSA, PLEASE, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE YOU THE REASSURANCE OF A LIFETIME"
"HAHAHA I'm sorry nee~ (note: this is like a Japanese thing to do, adding -ne at the end of sentences)"
We laughed it off. Terus kembali hening.
"Should I really, though?", tanya dia.
"Yeah. As cliche as it is, honesty is the best policy, right? You don't have to phrase it the way I did, though, it may come off a little, err... aggressive. And I mean, you two basically pulled a teen soap opera in real life, so there's only one way to go from where I see it"
"I like how things currently are, though"
"Oh golly, I've heard those many times before. But hey, it's your choice to make, so if that's what you want, then go right ahead"
She let out a long sigh, entah merasa lega, cemas, atau bingung.
"Yeah, I know... and for the record, I'm strictly 'interested' in him okay"
"Yes. I know you like him"
"I. Do. Not."
"Right. And I assume you don't want to be his future bride?"
"SToP GIVING ME FALSE HOPE YOU PSYCHO"
"OH WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO HELP, MS. I N T E R E S T E D"
I forgot how entertaining it could be talking to a living person.
"Well, it's getting really late now", ujar Elsa.
"Yep, you're robbing me of my beauty sleep here, Els"
"Yeah, whatever Princess"
"Hahah well, it's probably best for you to go home now as well. He's probably worried sick right now, waiting for you to reply to his texts"
"Hahaha Rory, I will kill you", she said, followed by a menacing smile.
"You're more than welcome to try"
We both let out a small chuckle.
"Thank you, by the way. For letting me vent for three hours, almost four now holy shit", she said with a tired, but relieved expression.
"Yeah well, you got my socials now, so whenever you need anything, you now where to go"
"Ahah yeah, thanks. I appreciate it"
"Alrighty then, I'll see you whenever I see you"
"Yeah, see you. Good night"
"Good night, and take care now"
Kami pun berjalan ke arah rumah masing-masing. Her apartment is only a few hundred meters away, and my house is still about 2 kilometers far. I plugged in my earphones and shuffled my playlist as I shuffled my way towards home.
---
Fast forward to December 18th, three months since that night by the train tracks, someone messaged me on Facebook. I didn't think any of it, I thought it was just one of the group chats for one of my class projects. To my surprise, it was not. It was none other than Elsa.
"You win :)) he does like me lol"
At first, I was like 'oh'.
But then, I was like 'O H'.
Naturally, like the good ol' supportive straight gay-friend that I am, I replied,
"YOO congrats you luhbirds, and I. Told. You. So."
"Still can't believe tho"
"Oh boy, I got a feeling someone's gonna wake up extra happy tomorrow hahaha"
"I already am :)))"
And that's pretty much the end of that. You know, it's kinda weird, because it genuinely feels like I'm a mother bird, and one of my baby birds just flew out of my nest. I feel all fuzzy inside, and a teeny bit proud. It didn't have any effect on my life at all, but hey, I never knew someone else's happiness can make me slightly happy as well. Look at that, an actual wholesome, not-so-sad post from Mr. Galau 2015.
Comments
Post a Comment